Tuesday, July 20, 2010
ANDRÉ: Bonjour, Man.
MAN RAY: Hey, André. Ready for the photo shoot? I've got everything all set up, so if you could just go sit in that chair and look kind of contemplative, I'll take the shot, and then I can get back to looking at Kiki de Montparnasse.
ANDRÉ: Sounds good, Man, but I did bring a few things of my own. I hope you don't mind.
MAN RAY: Well, let's face it André, you're not the one who's the greatest photographer of all time here. But I do like that cardigan. Is it made out of the same material as your pants?
ANDRÉ: Yeah, surreal, right? But listen. I'll just go sit down and get this thing ready to go. You'll love it, I promise.
MAN RAY: I spent all day setting this up, André, can we just take the picture? Wait….
ANDRÉ: TA-DA! I cut a hole out of my pillow, then strapped it on with these awesome leather goggles I found at the thrift store!
MAN RAY: Um…I dunno, André. You're sure you don't want to look a little more serious? I was thinking something a little more noir.
ANDRÉ: This IS serious, Man. Trust me. It will look formidable! exceptionnel! excellent! sensationnel! merveilleux! magnifique! fantastique!*
MAN RAY: Alright, how about we take one of each. Let me just tell Kiki I'll be a little late. OK, just look at me and try to look serio….I can't do it! You look ridiculous.
ANDRÉ: If you don't just look away and take the shot, I won't let you be a surrealist anymore.
MAN RAY: OK, OK, I got it. Now let's do a profile….ok, very nice. Looks like we're done here.
ANDRÉ: You sure you don't want a few more shots with the glasses?
MAN RAY: Please don't put those on again. Look, I gotta go be inspired by Kiki now, so how about I just bring these to the surrealist meeting tomorrow?
ANDRÉ: All right, see you then.
…the next day, at the meeting...
MAN RAY: I've got the shots, André. What can I say? The camera loves you.
ANDRÉ: Let's see. Beautiful! I don't really care for the profile, though.
MAN RAY: sigh.
ANDRÉ: Hey Louie, Tony, come check this out!
LUIS BUÑUEL: Woah. It's like everything in my subconscious is right there!
ANTONIN ARTAUD: Awesome. Cruel, almost. Gives me some ideas. Oh, hey Man, next week could you take a photo of me looking like a vampire version of Jake Gyllenhaal?
MAN RAY: For you, I was thinking of something more….well, whatever. I'll call Kiki.
ANDRÉ: Wait. You can keep the profile.
MAN RAY: sigh.
I DID NOT WRITE THIS. THIS IS THE TRUE STORY OF HOW THE GREATEST PHOTO SINCE IT AND THE WORLD BEGAN WAS TAKEN.
*André Breton loves Téléfrançais. It is the true expression of surrealism.