Thursday, July 22, 2010

Whoah, There

Gah! Don't sneak up on me like that, William Gaddis. I was just sitting here, completely innocent and unsuspecting, and then I turn around and there you are. Staring at me. I need to catch my breath...OK. I'm calming down...


Stop doing that! Jesus!

You're a truly terrifying man, Mr. Gaddis. For this post I had to choose between a picture of you wherein you were outright frowning and another where you're giving someone to your left a rather condescending look. In the latter picture, you appear to be saying "Whoah, there. You mean you haven't read The Recognitions? That's my most accessible work." As you can see, I went with the condescending look. Because if the viewer squints hard enough, it almost looks like you're smiling.

I know there's some happiness buried somewhere in that shriveled heart. Beneath that boarding-school tie and that Harvard jacket there's got to be a little mirth. Or maybe some joy. Do you have joy, Mr. Gaddis? Excuse me - I misspoke: are you joyful? Let me try to ask this question in a language you'll understand:

- Happy? she asked in a voice that rustled.
-Used to be happy. Sort of an unsettling feeling. Like an intestate death. Yes waiter make the bill out for my man Coen; yes without the H.
-Όπου είναι δική μου άποψη? asked as she pored over the various menus, a few of which had been torn apart or had items that were never ordered as the average entree went for many several hundreds of dollars for this was an expensive restaurant.
-Nyugodt! he responded.
-You have not answered my question.
-I do not want to. Madam...I find such questions very abusive to my brain.
-What she said standing up I take offense.
-Nyugodt he repeated with a slight decrease in volume.

I hope I've gotten through to you, William Gaddis.


You've really got to stop scaring me.

1 comment:

  1. Beer 30? Beer 30. And by Beer 30, I mean genius.